she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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