and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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