Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
