Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
