Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
