I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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