I need help removing her.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
