I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
