The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
