You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
