don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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