Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
