If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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