There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Banned from zoo.
Again?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
its liver damage thursday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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