I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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