Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her vagine was all disorganized.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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