Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
