feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
