i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
