Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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