I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
