how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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