who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
