Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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