i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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