Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
