just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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