I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
