The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
