I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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