and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
