So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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