Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
