I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
