sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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