people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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