"it" just moved
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
