He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
