So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
