I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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