Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
