you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
