i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
