Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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