I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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