i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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