why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
