Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
