so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
