My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
