she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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