You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
