Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
