the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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