Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
