sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
