New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
