I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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